The last few days around here have been rough to say the least. I live 2 hours away from family who I can call if I am in dire need of some help. I have plenty of friends who I know I could call, but they all have children too and I don't want to get any of them sick. So I don't call. Both of my kids are sick. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't sick every 2-3 weeks this winter. Specifically, Carter. The boy is full of so much joy and happiness when he is feeling well, but when he is sick that is another story. He becomes me when I am sick. I have to tell you. I am not the best sick person. I get tired, angry, whiny, and become a pile of mush with all the tears. It is exhausting taking care of that. Yes, I should apologize to anyone who has had to take care of me in the past. If it was you I am sorry. Today I decide it is time to go to the doctor. We get there and one has a major ear infection and the other shows all signs of a sinus infection. Praise be to the lord for negative strep and flu results. We've already had the flu once this winter. Out the door we go and we just get to the car when Dexter falls on the ground in pain because his stomach is hurting. Yes, my child falls on the pavement in the middle of the parking lot because of his stomach hurting so bad. I finally get to the car try to open the door and my car key battery is dead so I have to fish the keys out of my huge bag. Open the door manually and I hit the unlock button. At this point all I can think of is just getting us home. Well, the unlock button for some reason will not unlock the back doors. All the while Dexter is still on the pavement crying. I crank the car and it lets me unlock the back doors. No sooner than I get both boys in their car seats Dexter starts dry heaving. At this point I am racing to the other side of the car saying please don't puke in my car, please! I grab him out of his seat and bend him over so he can puke in the parking lot. Which he does. I tell him to hang on and run back into the doctors office to grab a puke bucket from them for the car ride home. Thankfully we didn't need it and he fell asleep on the way home. All of this to say we have had a very hard morning. I was up all through the night with sick babies too. I myself do not feel good and I am worn so thin. I can't even see my thin line anymore. On the way home I am throwing myself a big pity party so I stop by sonic and order me a combo plus an onion ring for good measure. The caffeine is helping. Plus, both boys are napping so I am able to refill my energy a bit without a constant need of something. I sit down to read my bible because I am feeling so worn down. To the point where I am questioning everything. Why is it so hard? Why is it this? Why is it that? I am fussing in my mind because I have a million things to do and no time already to do it and now I have 2 sick boys and a not feeling good momma. I am thinking maybe there's something I am missing. Maybe it isn't supposed to be this hard. Maybe God will reveal something to me in his word and it will make things instantly better. Well, he does come through. Just not always in the way you are expecting. Today I am reading in Ecclesiastes and reading what King Solomon is saying. This was a great king who had everything he could have ever wanted. He had riches, smarts, respect, etc. Yet, at the end of his life he is saying non of this matters without God. Life isn't about all the things. It is about glorifying God and being within God's will. I was reading the commentary to Ecclesiastes 1:8-11 and it said, "Many people feel restless and dissatisfied. They wonder: (1) if I am in God's will, why am I so tired and unfulfilled? (2) What is the meaning of life? (3) When I look back on it all, will I be happy with my accomplishments? (4) Why do I feel burned out, disillusioned, dry? (5) What is to become of me? Solomon tests our faith, challenging us to find true and lasting meaning in God alone. As you take a hard look at your life, as Solomon did his, you will see how important serving God is over all other options. Perhaps God is asking you to rethink your purpose and direction in life, just as Solomon did in Ecclesiastes." Wow! How spot on was that? I have all these questions about why is it so hard, etc. and there it is in front of me. It doesn't have to be that hard. My eyes are just focused in the wrong areas. I think that I am pleasing God by putting on all the extra work load when all he is asking is for me to look to him for the purpose and meaning. Not to all the stuff. I should not be living to please man. It should be to please God. I just have to figure out the difference between what God really is asking me to do and what man is asking me to do. Because all the things I do are not bad in and of themselves, but just maybe by me saying yes to all these "extra" things I am saying no to the possibility of letting God allow someone else to step up and fulfill that potential that they have. It is about balance. My prayer for today is about balance and seeking after God's will alone. No one else.
I hope you all have had a wonderful day. I am going to let the words of King Solomon penetrate my heart today. I am going to meditate on what the Lord is trying to tell me. Will you search for his will in your life today?
With love,
Felicia.
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